


Time to Go

by Guardian_Rose



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Mention of varric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 14:44:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3613806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardian_Rose/pseuds/Guardian_Rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My canon version of Hawke telling Fenris about Varric's letter for help at Skyhold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Promises

**Author's Note:**

> This is my canon Hawke, Rose(my third middle name btw XD ) and Fenris friendship romance with a sarcastic Hawke. Set after leaving Kirkwall.

"I can't...Hawke...Don't do this...Not now."

"I'm sorry Fen, I'm so sorry." 

Tears puddled on the floor below them where they knelt in each other's arms, Fenris was crying desperately into Hawke's neck, begging her not to leave him. Not again.

Hawke was kneeling stoically, arms wrapped loosely around her lovers shaking body. Salty tears pooling down her face as she apologised again and again. Her heart breaking every time one of his tears hit her bare shoulder, that she had been the cause of this, was almost too much. 

She was to blame and Fenris was still blaming himself. The stupid, stupid fool. 

"Fenris please, I have to go. You know i do. Varric needs me and-"  
Hawke stopped, choking back the extent of her tears as Fenris shook his head.

Never had she seen him so vulnerable until now, not even on that first night when he had left. He had broken her heart then and it had taken years for it to mend but this time she was the one doing the breaking. And it hurt.

But Fenris couldn't come with her. Not this time.

She wouldn't be able to see him die and keep living and she knew perfectly well that he felt the same way. He would die for her and she would for him. 

"Please Rose. Please. Not now, let them destroy themselves! You don't deserve this fate. You are too kind, too caring, i don't deserve you, Rose. But you deserve me and i couldn't be more glad. I told you that I would stay with you until the end, I promised Rose! Don't make me break this promise, let me keep this one. Please. If you really have to go then at least let me come with you."

He leaned back, holding her at arms length to be able to look directly into her sapphire blue eyes, as he spoke. The tears had ceased their endless fall. His face was open, his pain, anger and disappointment clearly displayed; his use of her real name startled her and it took her a few moments before she could speak. 

He had almost swayed her. Almost. But her fierce protectiveness won out over her desire.

"Fenris." She reached up and brushed his tears away and then hers. "I...I can't. I'm so sorry but I have to-" 

Fenris leaned forward and kissed her. 

She melted beneath his lips, tasting the salt from their tears as they mixed together. Her arms remained motionless at her sides while his gentle hands cupped her face, drawing circles along her cheeks.

Her tears had stopped momentarily and she felt as if she would never feel pain again as long as she stayed in his safe embrace. She had already forgotten what they were fighting about and it felt as if he had too. 

He slid his hand around the back of her neck and tangled it within her short red hair. 

Sighing, she leant back, breaking the kiss but not all contact. He sighed in response and leant his forehead against hers, her fringe dropping in front of his eyes slightly. 

He breathed out deeply, blowing away his exasperation and anger over having this stupid fight. Accepting her withdrawal he took on a different approach to their situation. He untangled his hand from her hair, instead placing it over her heart and using his other to lift her chin and force her to look into his eyes. 

Unshed tears blurred her striking blue eyes, always full of confidence and humour, now so empty and dull, made Fenris' heart twist in his chest. He would give anything to see those same eyes sparkling again, brimming with tears of mirth not loss. 

"Hawke." A small wince flashed across her face and then it was gone. Her features blank once more. Hiding her pain and hurt so well, but after so long he knew the signs.

He tried again.

"Rose, I thought it was better for you to hate me once, I was so wrong. I thought it was better for you, if I stayed away and I did. 3 years was long enough, Rose. I don't think I can be apart from you again, you were the light at the end of the tunnel for me. You kept be alive during those years and I can never repay you. But let me try. Because I will try, I would die for you. I love you, Hawke." 

He leant forward kissing her forehead.

"I"

Her eyelids.

"Am"

The corner of her mouth.

"Yours."

Her resolve ran out and she grabbed the back of his head, pressing her lips against his. He exhaled sharply in surprise as she pressed against him. All thoughts of her departure leaving their minds as they melted against each other.

He pulled her close as he lay down, ignoring the way his armour dug into the space between his shoulder blades.

She gasped against his mouth and suddenly he was above her, grinning as she rolled her eyes. 

"You know what happens when you've practiced your flattery. Serves you right." 

The fire had returned to her eyes and she matched his wolfish grin with one of her own.


	2. Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set on the morning after.

It was some time the next morning when Hawke awoke. Soft light danced across the room, the candles had been left to burn all night and had burnt to the wick. The noise from the tavern downstairs made its way up through the floor, patrons were bound to be drinking already, despite the hour, and the inns residents would be tucking in to the inn's very own bread and breakfast soup. 

Something that Hawke adamantly avoided despite her elvhen lovers continuous attempts to feed her some. However a recommendation from a man who couldn't taste anything but the strongest wines, didn't give her much to go on...

A soft purr brought her back from her thoughts and she giggled into her hands. Fenris was dreaming again. Ever since they had left Kirkwall, he hadn't left her side and had taken up the habit of purring at her. Which reminded her of a cat that she had been fond of back in Lothering. Which set her off giggling again, she turned away from her sleeping companion in an attempt, to not wake him. He got little sleep as it was. 

"Why are you giggling?" Two sharp green eyes peeked through a mop of white hair above her. He started tracing circles her hip where the fabric of her sleeping gown had ridden up in the night. He lowered his head to her ear and teased the top of it with his teeth which made her giggle all the more. 

"Nothing." She managed before breaking up entirely at Fenris' confused and slightly hurt expression. 

She composed herself and turned in his arms so that she was mere inches away from him and their eyes locked on to each other. 

"I'm sorry love, you were purring in your sleep." She propped herself up with one arm and caught his lips with hers in a short kiss.

"Mm all is forgiven." He leaned backwards, tugging her against him.

"I can't...I've got to get going...Varric's expecting me..."

Silence. A flash of hurt on his face, clouding his eyes and then nothing.

Fenris let go and spun round with his legs hanging out the bed. 

"Please, don't be like this..." She reached out to catch his arm but he shook his head. The walls were coming back up and Rose knew when to let him have his space. Instead she shuffled over and sat beside him, legs dangling over the edge, hands clasped tightly together in her lap.

"Say something." She looked up hesitantly at his face, afraid of what she'd see. His eyes were closed, his features giving away no clues as to what he was thinking. "Fenris..."

"I can't imagine my life without you Hawke...but...." His voice came out pained and hoarse. He broke off, his eyes still closed. 

Letting out a deep breath he continued.

"Hawke. I have broken so many promises to people but most of all you. And I have tried to keep this one. I understand that you have to go and I understand why, Varric is your friend and I hope that he counts me as one as well."

"Yes I know-"

"Stop. Just...I can't say goodbye. Just...just go. And return when you can."

Neither of them moved. Neither of them spoke, they hardly even breathed. A single tear rolled down her cheek onto her hands.

Fenris was like stone beside her; cold, unfeeling, broken. He had brought up his walls, blocking of everything but the basic need to survive. It had taken her 6 years to bring down those walls properly and now...now she had been the one to bring them back up. 

Tears were flowing freely now but she didn't move to stop them. There was no going back. 

Nothing to say. Nothing to live for except the hope that after this he would still love her. 

It must of been at least half an hour before one of them moved again and even then it was Hawke moving.

The tears had dried out ages ago and she had built her own walls.

She shrugged on her travelling clothes and collected her equipment that was dotted around their room.

His room. 

She had lost the right to call it hers when she had decided to leave him behind.

Taking one last look around the space that had been her home for the past few months. 

She was leaving it behind. Leaving him behind. But she was also leaving her heart with him, for when he was ready to forgive her. 

She had waited 6 years and she could wait still because despite everything, they loved each other.

She knew everything about the man in front of her, the way he gets frustrated when he can't read a word, the way he struggles to voice what he feels, how instead he uses little, casual touches to show her instead.

How all through the 3 years where they stayed apart, he wore her family crest at his belt and the missing part of her favourite red tunic on his wrist.

He would love her no matter what she did. It was not a question of whether he would forgive her. No, the question was, would she forgive herself?

"Goodbye, my love."

She took a deep breath and opened the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read this and have given it kudos. I appreciate everything you do and I hope you liked it.   
> Part of me also hopes you cried ~evil grin~

**Author's Note:**

> Thinking of carrying this on, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading <3


End file.
